worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You may now shotgun with the bride
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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