Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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