and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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