Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
MIDGETS
????
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
