Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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