there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
