my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
