i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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