Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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