so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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