look no pants
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
