how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
