So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
