I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
