Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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