Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
