You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
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