woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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