I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I skipped work to stalk him.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
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