how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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