she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
