I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
