p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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