oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
