Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
