I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize