well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
