dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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