Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
