oh god the rape fog is back!
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
