you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
