it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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