isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
