Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
