did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
