I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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