When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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