he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Randomize
