my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize