I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
