i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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