just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
only if we run a train.
done.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
