Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
he fucked my hip out of place.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
