i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
