dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
