just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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