In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
