Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize