its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
