It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
