i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
