shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
