Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
