My liver just broke up with me...
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize