it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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