I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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