does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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