Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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