oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize