omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
