It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
