It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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