He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
