:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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