Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
