I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
