Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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