she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
