I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
should my penis look like a turkey
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
